SPEAKER_00 0:03

Welcome everyone to this week's episode of the Blurred Spectrum Podcast. This week we have a very interesting topic. It is about cosplayers and their mental health. We have a couple of our uh panelists who are experts at cosplaying, and they're going to give us a little bit more of an insight into not only uh the thought processes of creating their cosplays, but of course, what are the challenges that they have to overcome as it pertains to mental health? Uh so our panelists today, starting with myself, Suchino Shogun, uh we have Kaze, we have the Doctor, we have Shampoo bracelets, then we have our three cosplayers, Ms. Skittles, the Black McCoy, and Seyone. So, what I'll do is I'll allow our cosplayers to begin. Give us a little bit of a uh brief explanation as into what got you into cosplay, and then talk a little bit about the uh uh struggles that you may have to overcome as it pertains to mental health. Uh, we'll start with Miss Seyone.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Okay, so I first started cosplaying, I would say in 2013. I went to Otacon in uh Baltimore, and I first saw Oticon driving through inner city Baltimore in the summer, and I saw all these wonderful characters on the side of the street in unison. I'm like, oh my god, what is that? I gotta be part of that. And I found out that it was Oticon, and it's a huge community of nerds and like me, and I just didn't even know that even existed at the time. And I was always huge on Halloween and dressing up, so being able to go to a convention with like-minded people, I was all in. I wanted to start something with body pain. I wanted to just be completely different from how I usually look. And my first cosplay was poison IV, and it kind of progressed from there with body pain and morphing myself into something that I usually don't see myself on a regular basis. Uh, when it comes to mental health, I've always had issues with my body, my body type, a lot of body dysmorphia, um, you know, issues on myself from childhood until adulthood. And cosplay helped transition me into something that was just made out of confidence. I had an altered ego, and it changed with each cosplay. I I looked at my body and I was like, okay, how can I make this into a positive light? So I can see myself as you know, a heroine or villain, you know, or something majestic or a goddess or a god. And that would kind of gave birth to Sione cosplay on its own. And that's just something that I've just been running, running with almost for the past 10 years. So it really has helped give me confidence and you know, the flaws I see with my body, I'm able to manipulate that into something that I'm proud of. Also, with you know, my craft and just trying to get better with each time that I do a cosplay.

SPEAKER_07 3:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

Okay. And if you would, for our listeners as well as people who may be watching this video on YouTube, um, what is the cosplay that what was the inspiration behind the cosplay that you're currently uh embodying?

SPEAKER_01 3:39

I want to do something dark. I usually switch between uh happier, brighter colors, and something more malicious or or sinister. And I went for a dark nun. So, you know, a nun that was possessed and uh kind of kind of spicy, but you know, this uh a crying nun with some evil intent.

unknown 4:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

Um Miss Skittles, if you could give us similar your break into cosplay, and then um what uh things have you had to deal with as it retains to mental health?

SPEAKER_06 4:14

Um so I started cosplaying in 2017. I have been to multiple cons before um cosplaying, but um, as far as mental health goes, I struggle with depression and anxiety, and a lot of times my anxiety uh stops me from doing things. So uh for a long time I wanted to cosplay, and I just feel like you know, I don't know if I can do that. But um in 2017, um I went to Dragon Con. That was my first large con outside of my area. Um, and I decided, hey, if I'm gonna go, I'm gonna dress up. So I decided to uh cosplay storm. Um and the experience was it was definitely overwhelming, um, but I'm glad I did it because the amount of uh positive feedback I got from it, I I never would have expected. Um overall, I mean I don't too much care for Dragon Con, but the overall experience was um was life-changing. Um and and it definitely set the tone for for me to continue Causeway and and from an artist's point of view, it allowed me to um extend my creative reach into a different medium because I enjoy you know creating artwork in different mediums. So Causeway to me is just another another form of art that I am uh slowly perfecting. And I and I love you know embodying the the different characters that um that I grew up with. So it's just uh it's just a different form of art and expression, and I love it.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

And for our listeners today, uh who are you embodying?

SPEAKER_06 6:24

I am embodying Yorichi from Bleach. Um she is uh chose Yorichi one because um this cosplay is very comfortable. Like I was saying earlier, um this this is the the type of cosplay I would get into on a Sunday at a con when I want to go buy things in the dealer's room and you know just mingle and hang out. So um comfortable, but also um because uh she's one of the the first uh black female characters that I ever really got the opportunity to to see in a in an anime. So um, you know, just just her being uh a strong black female character in an anime is just like, oh god, like where have these been? Like even though that we did this. So it um so yeah, she's definitely one of my favorite characters from Blue Chief.

SPEAKER_00 7:32

Awesome, awesome. All right. Uh the black McCoy, if you could once again give us uh your experience, how you got into cosplay, uh, what interested you, uh, as well as what mental health issues you've gone through. And then, of course, if you could wrap that up with who you are uh embodying today.

SPEAKER_04 7:53

Sure. Um, so I remember like the first podcast, I always seem like I was in cosplaying ever since I was little, ever since I could like take a belt, stick it in my pants, and take a towel and wrap it around my neck. I've always just kind of been in that same spirit and to the point where like my mom didn't care as long as she could do whatever she wanted to do, and I didn't bother her. That was always that thing. I remember one time, like my dad was upset because I was like going around with like a tail, I was blowing out with a belt glass and like a towel around my neck, and my dad was like, You gonna let them go out like that? And my mom was like, Listen, as long as I can shop, I don't really care. And so that just kind of continued on. I would have to say, like, my first like ever cosplay cosplay was Homecoming Week in High School when I cosplayed Godham for the first time. Um, I think I was a freshman, and it just kind of went on from there. Um, I didn't start going to cons until I was uh maybe like a sophomore junior in high school, and then I just never stopped. Like I kept going. I'd been to a con pretty much every single year since uh since I was a junior in high school. Um and my first my first time at Dragon Con was actually in 2013. Um and I when I went to my first con, which was AWA back in Atlanta, anime week in Atlanta, I was I had that same thought that Ms. Skills had if I'm gonna go, then I'm gonna dress up. So since like Naruto was still like the biggest anime for me at the time, like that was the point where Saucity was first introduced. So I got my I coaxed my mom into buying me an Akotsky jacket that I still have today. And my grandma helped me make this um cloak for a third hook a third Kazakage puppet that I carried around with me. And so that was absolutely amazing. And I just kept going from then on out. Um, and I think as I think about my cosplay journey, it happened in a lot of stages. Um, I think the the third and the third stage which I'm at now was when I cosplayed Beast for the first time at BlurredCon, when it first started, the first BlurredCon actually like first first started up, and that's when I started the Black McCoy cosplay, and I just kind of kept up with that momentum since then. Um as far as mental health stuff, I could go down a list. Like I know um, like Sarah and I've dealt with a lot of body dysmorphia, um, eating disorders, and I know I was in the last year, in the last year I was diagnosed with um panic disorder. So I know that um it it affects a lot of how I approach cosplay, but also it's something that a lot of the things that I go through are healed by cosplay as well. Um my therapist actually told me to never stop doing it because the the amount of focus and the amount of attention that I put into it is what helps me get through a lot of the things that I experience throughout the day. Um as for today, I am embodying one of my favorite characters from One Piece, uh Vice Admiral Fuji Soda. And I only have in one blind contact today because they're blind ones, so like if I had issues, I absolutely could not see it anything. I thought about getting up and going for the meal one because I'm just sitting here, so I'm like, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:22

So you got fine at mute button.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

So um I know that uh you uh three have come up with uh a couple of points that you wanted to go over or a couple of things that you wanted to discuss. Uh so we'll allow you to, you know, just kind of give us some more of an insight into how cosplay heals, how uh individuals um because what I what it seems like I've heard is that uh more or less all of you have used cosplay in some way or another to kind of almost like escapism to kind of deal with certain types of um mental issues, mental health rather, um, or uh as a means to uh just kind of set yourself apart from the real or the normal, as Gwen has said multiple times, uh the real you um or the normy you. Uh when you're cosplaying, you're more so the you that you were born with, the uh person uh or the uh character that you're embodying. So uh if you guys want to talk about that, we'll let you have this open space to do so.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

I agree. Uh I definitely use cosplay to escape reality, so to speak. I have a lot of stress and I internalize a lot of stress. I don't really rage out, I keep a lot of things in and very quiet, which is quite damaging mentally. So I get overwhelmed. It's kind of like getting a cup and you filling it with water, and then it starts to overflow, and it's that breaking point that I I always get to. I allow myself to mentally have all of these stressors until I just I'm about to crack. So before I do just break down, I just go to cosplay and I just immerse myself into it, just lose myself. You know, I've been battling depression for I would say since high school. So it's it's been very difficult. And um, I have my good days, my bad days, you know, sometimes I forget about the depression and then, but it's never really forgotten. It's always there. It's just building per se. And I just go and I just do cosplay as a way to decompress to remind myself that I am worthy, that everything I'm doing is valid, you know, and I do belong here, so to speak. And I just forget about everything else, put all of my mental stress and energy into creating something that's mine that I'm proud of. It has been a journey because sometimes some of my stressors go into cosplay. You know, I wish I was good enough comparing yourself to other people. I wish I could be as good as this person, or people really don't really care about this, and why am I doing this? And have to kind of completely reset. I'm like, I'm doing this for me. I'm doing this because this is going to benefit my mental health. And so I just separate myself from everybody else. I give myself about five hours just to create something that's mine. Um, so I can be done and look back, like, oh, I did that. Like I am worthy, like, wow, this is something for me. I'm not doing it for anybody else. You know, we live our lives and we try to make other people happy so often that we forget about ourselves. And cosplay gives me an opportunity to make myself proud, make myself happy. So that is something that I've been using as a coping mechanism for all of the stresses of life, you know, trying to cope with my depression, trying to better manage my feelings and my thoughts so that it's not destructive for me like it has been in the past. And it has gotten a lot better. So I'm glad that I finally have a positive outlook on something that I can use versus being completely destructive and not being able to come back. So that's my experience with that.

SPEAKER_00 15:27

Um, the doctor, what would you what would you say are some of the specific terminologies, the jargon, the the diagnosis uh of some of the things that Sayone has gone through in terms of how she has taken cosplay to uh effectively get over some of her trials since high school. What are some of those things that you know anybody could be going through but she specifically uh has been going through?

SPEAKER_05 15:58

You know, it's interesting. So I empathize with her story a lot, you know, because I also kind of grew up with dealing with a lot of depression and generalized anxiety for most of my entire life, so or most of my life. And I think the worst of it was my late teens, um, early twenties and whatnot. And, you know, you talk about, you know, using cosplaying as a method of coping. Like, I mean I think that's spot on. Like it can be an important means of coping with depressive symptoms, uh, stressors and whatnot. It can give you a locus of control, or it can enhance an internal locus of control, which means that this is something where you have control over this element of your life. And it gives you a sense that, okay, I'm in control of this, and it's something I create that I'm good at, you know, that you know, I have power over. And that can be, you know, really self-empowering. Um, you know, when I think during that period of my life, that's when I was the most serious about getting into cosplay. And those were parts of it, you know, where you know, I wanted, you know, something to kind of cope with just the constant stress, with uh I wanted to have something of my own as well, you know, something that, hey, this is something I like, that I'm good at, that you know, I could use to, you know, both make people happy and to give myself this, you know, my own validation in a lot of ways. Like so, yeah. I mean, I think you know, your description of it was just spot on, and it's something that I related to a lot, um, especially during those periods where I was going through the worst of my generalized anxiety.

unknown 17:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 17:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

Uh do you guys want to continue?

SPEAKER_04 17:39

Uh yeah, sure. I'll I'll hop in. I know that just the the idea that creating that kind of locus of control was something that I know I didn't really have the language for before, but latched on to almost inherently, because um, I know that while wearing cosplay is something that brings me uh a great amount of joy and being able to just walk around and like even right now, even though I can't see even though I can always see out of one eye, I'm still extremely comfortable. But like um, but I know like so, for example, when I'm when I'm building my cosplay or when I'm planning for a cosplay, those are like the the prime stages for me because I I get to focus, I can blot out everything else, and in some way, shape, or form, I get to alienate myself from the rest of the world because now I've created this kind of bubble where I can focus all of my attention, I can focus all of my efforts, and I can I don't have to worry about anything else that's going on outside of that. Like I don't have to worry about any relationships with people, I don't have to worry about you know any you know, like life problems, I don't have to worry about anything that anyone else is thinking outside of what's happening right there in that moment. And that's what I have like printed out on pieces of paper that I need to cut out and transition to foam, or you know, things I need to figure out as far as like what I need to do as far as makeup or prosthetics or what figuring out what kind of outfit I want to make next. I like I know I remember once I was at work and I was having a really stressful day, and I was thinking about, I just started, all I did was start thinking about the next thing I wanted to cosplay or next thing I wanted to cosplay at some point in time. Like it didn't have to be my next project, it could be a project that I have queued up for like within the next five years. Like I have enough projects lined up where I could be like, oh, you know, I could start working on this in the next two years after I finish these couple of projects that I want to do and not really be worried. But the way my mind works, and I I think this is part of the mania that my therapist was telling me about, is that I can I'm constantly coming up with more and more things to do. I'm constantly giving myself more things to do because they the more things that I have to do, the more comfortable I feel being able to handle other things. And so I find my life to be very chaotic at times, but cosplay is the most organized thing that I see myself doing because I can plan for that a lot easier than I can plan for anything else. And and I I think that sometimes the way I move about my life doesn't show it, but I I'm extremely calculated in the way that I do certain things. Um, and that comes out more when I'm planning for a cosplay or putting one together than anything else. Like I remember, like I said, I was singing at work, I was really stressed, and I started thinking about cosplay. And I know there is this a Star Wars cosplay that I want to do. I wanted to make a spith outfit. Can't soak for shit, still working on it. You know, I haven't touched the sewing machine yet. But I, you know, I've looked at some things. But anyway, like as I was drawing it, because because I remember we were talking about it one one day. I can't remember, I don't know if it was on the episode or we were talking before we started recording, but I remember like we were talking about like how to make a scene look like a scene, even though it's not sound together. And just that that that very rudimentary knowledge took me extremely far in designing an outfit that I've yet to make, but I know exactly how I'll need to put it together in order to bring it in order to bring it together to make it make it what I want to be. Um, and ultimately just something so simple and so rudimentary was able to bring me from like the the heights of like frustration down to this, not even just a calm, but in this kind of ecstatic calm. Like I was happy, like I felt better because I'm like, oh shit, I figured out something else I can do. I can't wait to go ahead and get these together so I can make this thing. It's that to happen, but like just the idea itself of being able to cosplay was so much for me in that moment. And it it carries from moment to moment whenever I find myself, you know, really needing to pull myself back into what I like to call like my center. Um, because sometimes, you know, I've I've I call it my center because it's the place where I'm most at peace and it's the place where I'm at my happiest. And it's very easy when you're dealing with like a lot of anxiety, depression, like mania, when you're dealing with a lot of different things, it's easy to drift from that. And finding ways to get back is really, really hard. And sometimes cosplay just seems so so far away from that. That's the most difficult part, I guess they for me is that when I when I drift too far off of my center and I get off of that cosplay momentum and I'm sitting there thinking, God, I need to work on this, God need to work on that. I need to work on this, I need to work on that. I need to start putting this doing these doing these pieces so I can bring the project that I want all the way back together. And I'm just kind of sitting there not doing anything, it it it's weird because it becomes more depressing not working on my cosplay. But because I know that I have everything that I need to work on it but I don't have the the drive or the motivation to do so.

SPEAKER_05 22:40

You know, to follow that up and this is just ties into a general question I have for any of the cosplayers, you know, we talked about all this stuff with the benefits of cosplaying when it comes to anxiety, how you know it can promote confidence, you know, it gives you this element of control that you're really good at and you know it can it can have all these positive benefits but it can also be really challenging especially with anxiety you know to take that first step into presenting your first cosplay and you know I know I dealt with that where you know I always felt like oh it's not perfect enough or oh what if people laugh at me and this and that. So I'm wondering and for anyone or everyone to answer this like what do you think what helped you make that first step to where you say okay I'm ready to present this and you know I'm confident I can do this.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

I think looking at other people um seeing everybody else cosplay that looked like me and they're doing their own thing and didn't care. So I had to get out of my head. If they didn't care then I shouldn't care and also I should do it for me and and no one else. I think that's also a big thing as well because I needed to do it for my own self-validation not be concerned of what anybody else thinks. And so I just hopped into it. It was kind of all or nothing I'm saying if people can cosplay happily in a t-shirt and a bandana and be like hey that's cosplay I'm like all right I'm set I'm cool because every cosplay is good at cosplay there's no different types of medium of cosplay that's better than others and I had to get over that you know can I be black in cosplay can I be plus size in cosplay different things that I kept thinking about or I don't know how to sew I still don't know how to sew. I still use Baja glue. No one knows a free needle and thread and hand stitch but I can't compete when it comes to certain avenues of you know uh foam smithing and I have something that I think is a little bit different that not many people do. And that put my confidence out there. I'm doing something that you don't usually see a lot of people just do body paint all the time. And that was like oh okay I might not know how to sew I might not know how to design my own clothes but I do know how to do something that is different. And I do know how to do this and give pointers to people of color to black people because we don't see many black people body paint. We don't see that and you know even being black that can be discouraging oh well I'm too dark to do body paint. I see all these fair skinned people body paint their colors look all vibrant no we can do it and so I wanted to put that out there that we are able to do it and we're able to do it and look damn good at the same time. So it's just really trying to do something different you know with my own aesthetic there's plenty of body painters out there that have their own aesthetic that has their own vision. There's so many different artists you can draw one picture and have different aesthetics to it. So I'm just putting my own aesthetic my own vision my own uh you know thought process into it and just trying to see if people can relate to that and if not oh well you know this it's it's for me and if people are for that and want to be with me on this journey that even make from other people you will be depressed you will be depressed you'll be anxious you'll be nervous I don't even look at the number count I completely ignore the followers I first when I first cosplayed how the algorithm is with Facebook and sometimes Instagram they put the numbers out there so you see it look at your followers this is how many followers you have you post something you say something numbers go down numbers go up so I just completely ignore it.

SPEAKER_06 26:36

I'm like I'm not doing it for them I'm doing it for me and if people who are supportive of me and my craft then I welcome them but I can't do it for other people otherwise I'm gonna slip back into that mental state of not being worthy enough so that's just another point out there as well yeah I just want to piggyback off of that like um when when I got into cosplay um I I did it for me and it was to push myself um out of the anxiety um that I felt with with dressing up in public like I'm like oh my god these people are so amazing because they're doing all these wonderful things and they're you know showing off their crafts or whatever whatever I want to do that but I'm worried about too many other things um so when I started cosplaying I was like stop it stop worrying about what other people are gonna think or your age or your size or you know things like that and just do it because this is this is for you so when I started looking at cosplay like this is this is for me this is just a way to express myself creativity uh creativity of create without without um you know just the the stress like when when I draw something um I'm not worried about what other people think of it because you know I'm just drawing like I'm you know so I had to look at it like don't worry about what other people think of your cosplay you just cosplay like that's what it is and it's for you and and um like you said it it can it can push you into uh a negative headspace if you s if you begin to worry about you know your followers or or who said what um you know I know black cosplayers uh one in our community is is very small um and then two um we we probably received some some of the most egregious comments about our cosplay because um because of you know anime and and manga you know they don't typically have black characters um in in this you know in the scene so it's just like do I worry about that stuff because if you do you're not you're never gonna do anything you're really not um I wouldn't say I don't look at my followers because I do and that's only that's only recently started happening but um I think my amazement with it is just that I'm doing something I love and people actually like it. So um if if I would have told my little middle school that um really people are gonna like you just enough as your favorite character is as an adult. Really so um I just think it's important that you if you like like Santa if you come into this you're doing it for you because all of all of that other stuff is is gonna put you in a in a head space that you didn't want to be in. It's just adding stress to your already stressed life and cosplay is supposed to um somewhat relieve you of that. Right.

SPEAKER_04 30:25

So yeah to just kind of add on to everything that Sarah and Miss Miss Gills were saying like making sure that we do this for us has always been something that I found to be the most paramount thing ever. And I think um I made a Facebook post about it like so maybe like a month ago. And like I really like I really sat down and really thought about you know I thought about the followers and I thought about a lot of the community drama that we've seen happen and I thought about um just random fews between like other black cos players and and I thought about why I really continue to do what I do and kind of comparing myself to what I see happen and where I started with all of this help put things back into perspective for me. Because like I like draw I I don't don't get me wrong I love like the anticipation that I get people like oh yeah I got this new project that I'm working on. I'm not gonna tell y'all what it is but y'all can see like the work in progress pictures and stuff of it like I like doing that. But ultimately the projects that I pick for myself are projects I pick for myself. Like I don't pick things to make so everyone else can be in awe of them I'm glad that they are when I finish them but I I do it to challenge myself. Like when I first when I first put my Beast cosplay together yeah I had so many different variations of it and so many different iterations of it some of which I haven't even posted on the internet like that it's gone through because I wanted to make it better and I wanted to improve it more and it was funny because that was the cosplay a lot of people knew me for which is partly why I made it made the black cosplay in the first place um and kind of like what Sayonet was saying like I didn't see a lot of you know black cosplayers using prosthetics and I didn't see a lot of black cosplayers kind of developing um these more like animalistic looks or more animalistic characters that you know involved more than you know just regular makeup but like extra you know glue and neolatex and things like that to make those things happen. And it became the it became my thing and actually when I was putting that cosplay when I was putting that beast cosplay together and I was researching all these other beast cosplays that I've seen or wanted to you know get inspiration from all of them no all of them a lot of them looked the same I actually all of them look the same. I'm not gonna I'm gonna be full of jurisdiction look the same everybody was blue everybody had blue fur and everyone either had on some sort of suit or had you know some sort of like wig that made some sort of blue wig some sort of like blue fur embellishment but no one went for that more animalistic look in the face and that's what I wanted and that's what made that beast work the most important one for me. And even still I'm thinking of more ways to improve it and more ways to enhance it. And I say all that to say that at the end of the day like remembering it's kind of a a remember where we came from kind of moment because even though we may have more followers we may have more friends and we may have more you know colleagues and you know you know um associates in the black cosplay world we do it because we need we need to because if we didn't have it then where would all this creativity go? Like where would all the frustrations that we live through and you know have to deal with throughout the day go um they there are much more there are more unhealthy outlets that we could be using. Like I'm pretty sure between the three of us all of our parents have been like you know what there are worse things my dog could be doing I'm glad you know you know what I'm glad it's this and I remember my mom was talking about how one of her like one of her like I guess coworkers or whatever like you let such and such to this he was like listen it could be selling drugs or it could be this so I did so you make one or two and this one at least gets them out of the house you know doesn't put them you know out doing anything dangerous that they don't need to be doing as I got older dangerous relative but still um because I've I've done some very dangerous things to get a shoe get a get a really good photo but still either way um the point is that it it's cosplay is a simultaneously selfish and communal thing at the same time because part of the reason that all of us are here is because we we saw a community that what welcomed us and that we wanted to be a part of but the reasons that we do so aren't specifically for that community although our cosplay contributes to like the the overall kind of diaspora of black cosplay but we also got into it for selfish reasons. It was for it was for our own mental health it was for our own well-being it was for our ability to it was for our it was for our need to exert this kind of creative force in the world that we could turn on ourselves rather than aggressively turning on other people and if you know more people come to us because of that then you know that's fantastic but that's that was never the the starting point and it won't be the and I don't see it being the end game for any of us.

SPEAKER_01 35:40

Mm-hmm yeah I love how the community is based on camaraderie especially the cosplay community for black people we are so small and you know we're even able to talk to the big black cosplayers like cutesy senpai and I'm like wow she was uh an icon to me so I'm like oh my god we have like words we spoke words to each other oh this is amazing and you know and something that I probably would have just seen you know my 23 year old self would be like wow she's awesome I'll probably never talk to her and I'll just keep going about my daily you know daily basis and not think about it but you know being in this community and you know promoting other black cosplayers promoting cosplayers of color you start to see that this small community because I thought it was a speck of us is actually growing huge you know and people are you know oh I thought I was too old to cosplay no they're just very this wonderful influx of you know cosplayers our age joining cosplay asking questions you know I've had different black cosplayers come to me what do you use for body paint oh okay cool can I use that too can you send me products and I send them products and then to see their own spin on the you know my tips that I found out over the past couple of years and they do it beautifully and I promote that it's all about promoting each other's artistry which also helps out our mental health as well seeing that well look at these beautiful black people out here killing it in their own way and we want to see each other grow so that we can just talk with one another have our own audience grow as well because even though I don't look at the following the followers numbers because that'll give me anxiety I love the influx of people that have the same vision so to speak on the things that I'm doing like oh well I thought about that or oh man I haven't seen that reboot you know person since I was a kid you threw it back and oh my gosh I can do this too or my little girl wants to do this and now I think showing this to her and other black cosplayers and cosplayers of color they can do this and not be made fun of and you know and really just make it their own and feel proud about themselves. So it's even though it may be something small to others it's big it's bigger than we thought you know who thought just us putting on makeup in a costume could create such positivity and just grow into something else that's such a beautiful thing. So I really do appreciate cosplay and what it's done for me a lot more than I thought it could have especially with coronavirus. I was coronavirus just kind of shut everything down but then open everything up too so really push your artistry out there. I would only cosplay for cons and you know for my cosplay page I'll just maybe do one or two just to hold people over or hold myself over and while I'm starting a project but it's like no you can cosplay three times a month and you know find things on the house and you know it's pushing different things that I would you know I never thought about making my own horns out of unconventional things. So it's it's testing me in a brilliant way and you know like Gwen said or like the black McCoy said it's just keeping you mentally motivated. You're going you're you're not stopping and you know it's helping your brain you know keep active and that is the best thing for someone who's battling depression or anxiety or overthinking. You're using all of that energy and putting it something that is positive and productive you know you have work you have family you have school or whatever it is but you actually have your own space to make it your own creating your own you know bubble of amazement for yourself and it's just a a beautiful way to just put that energy into something that's really positive and productive.

SPEAKER_05 40:00

That one point you oh go ahead oh yeah I just wanted to kind of follow up you know when I think you everyone's kind of mentioning the value of the connectedness of the black cosplay community and that's something that I know when I really first started getting interested in cosplay as an idea I wish I had more access to at the time because I know back then like you know showing my age a little bit but this was when the internet was like kind of new when I was a teenager. So it was that dialogue that when uh Facebook required you to have a school ID so it was one of those yeah but it was one of those times where you know we didn't really I know like I didn't really have access or easy access to you know these black cosplay communities black cosplay groups so like the first kind of setting where I really thought about getting into cosplay I was the only black face in the room. And I remember talking to people about it and they just thought like oh like a black cosplayer that's weird you know and I wanted to cosplay a black person. And even that was considered like oh that's just it's just so bizarre. It's weird like you know I don't know and I think that really in part pushed me away from it for a while. And when I see now like how connected the black cosplay community is even just as an outsider in and how supportive you know black cosplayers are and how black cosplayers lift each other up like that's such an amazing thing. And it's something that I really wish I had more of when I kind of got interested into it. You know and probably would have shaped you know how far I went in the cosplay going you know back then. But it definitely makes me want to think about doing cosplay more going for it now as well. Just because it's you know it's such a great community and it's something I really do admire a lot and you know I can really just see it as this really positive part of our community.

SPEAKER_00 41:58

Yeah I I wanted to say like kind of taking points of what you said the doctor and points of what you said sayone about how you know being the only black person in the room and it at at the time when you wanted to uh when you were thinking about getting into cosplay and people saying that it's weird even if you wanted to be a black character that you were trying to cosplay as and how now the communities the black cosplay communities how you know although there is drama as Miss Skittles in the black coin said at least they have a place where they can communicate together uh BlurCon is a perfect example where these can where these individuals can all come together we will all be there right now we will all be there we would be recording this we would be recording this podcast live there right now and be tipsy no drunk I would be drunk right what I was saying was uh just the fact that there is that community that place where we can all discuss things and you know sayone you mentioned how you know there are individuals who have said you know because you were doing certain cosplays they can show it to their children and they can show it to you know uh certain individuals who may be inspired to get into cosplay as well um I'm not a cosplayer I've always thought the art has been the art that you you all and other people have um designed has been absolutely breathtaking. It's it's something that not that I don't believe I can do it's not something that I can I I it's almost like I wouldn't want to step into that realm because I don't want to insult how skilled you guys are. And it's it's kind of like Like when I was a kid, there were certain individuals, certain athletes, certain um uh uh just people who inspired us. You know, um I'm I'm an avid wrestling fan. And, you know, people like The Rock and uh uh people like um uh there's different ones. I'm not gonna go into detail right now because that's not what this is about. But different individuals or people that inspired me and inspired, you know, the different things that I wanted to do in the future. Um, you know, how people say, you know, when I grow up, I want to be a fireman or I want to be a well, I won't say that one, I'll be a doctor or an engineer. You know, different things so much, different things you want to be when you grow up. Let's blaze over it real quick. Blazing over it. Um so that you guys can comfortably, you know, become these characters. It it gives kids, it gives people, like you said, 30-year-olds, 40-year-olds, whoever, it gives them the ability to see the fact that I don't have to, I didn't miss it, or I can I can still do it. It takes it from I want to be a uh a doctor or engineer when I grow up to well, you know, when we were kids, we wanted to be, you know, Superman or Wonder Woman or you know, Storm or Wolverine or Black Panther, whoever. Now we can actually be those people, be those characters, be those things that we've that gave us confidence, gave us courage, gave us, you know, things to aspire, strength, and and pride to be when we were, you know, imagining it in our minds we were kids. We can actually be that. And I feel like that's something that each of you and other cosplayers are doing. It's giving not only kids, but grown as people the ability to take that step, take that leap. Now the doctor can actually cosplay as a doctor at a at a convention. Like it can happen full circle, like it can actually happen.

SPEAKER_04 45:55

Um if you need to borrow a sonic screwdriver, I have one.

SPEAKER_05 46:00

Yes, I might take you up on that.

SPEAKER_00 46:04

So I I I think it's I I personally I love the fact that you not only do you all do what you do, but how you do it and how you present yourself in your craft. It's not just about um and you make sure that you explain to individuals that it's not just about being famous or, you know, uh showing off to people. It's about not only your own personal health and well-being, it's about you doing what feels good and right for you. It's actually something that the Black McCoy told me months ago um about, you know, there are people that monetize their cosplay and how it's not that's not why I'm doing it. It's not why I cosplay. It's not a necessary need for me to do that. Would it be nice? Of course, but I do cosplay, I embody these characters because that's what I want to do. That's what makes me happy, that's my passion. And it's it's I don't have many words for it, it's beautiful. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 47:04

Anybody else perfect example of that is um so when I did uh Kanaki, I just made a post for uh a couple weeks ago, Thursday throwback Thursday. I did uh his cajin and I don't know somebody asked me on the post, how many scales did you cut out for that? And I I literally was like like looking at it, I couldn't I couldn't tell you. I I said I guess maybe 200 per uh per tentacle, but I really don't know. I all I know is I um and I said this uh before in a previous episode, I resonated with Ken, and that is the character that I wanted to do. Um and I did him. And and and crazy enough, I didn't even get I didn't even get like no feedback, like people weren't studying me at all at um what Katsuka. I'm I'm all bumping into people, oh excuse me. Oh you know and I get pictures, you know, people ask you to take pictures all the time at times. I'm um maybe two or three people asked me for a picture, but I didn't care because my coding was dope as fun. So like so I I I was so proud and I'm still proud. Like that is that is one of my favorite pieces today. Um, like I built some things, but that is is altogether one of my favorite cosplays. Um and you know, I mean, I just I don't care what people thought of it. Um I I was proud of my work and and that's generally how I am um proud after I finish of like the process, um like the black McCoy was saying, the process of thinking and putting together a cosplay is so it's so relaxing. Um now actually putting it together, that's um but after I'm done, I I cannot say there is been a cosplay, even the most stressful uh Urza was probably the most stressful cosplay I've ever built. I I cried on the con day that I had to wear it because it was me out so much trying to put it on and and make sure nothing was falling off um on the floor. So even though it was my most stressful cosplay, when I look at those pictures, I'm like it was all worth it.

SPEAKER_08 49:57

That like this like this is like that is fucking amazing.

SPEAKER_06 50:08

Like, I love it. So um, so yeah, you just you gotta do for yourself, man.

SPEAKER_04 50:13

You do, you really do. No, I okay, so I have two stories. So one, um, the first one of the first like really big cosplays I ever did was Black War Greymod. And I had never done anything like that ever before. It was actually for the first time went to Dragon Con back in 2013. And all I had, all I made that entire cosplay out of nothing but cardstock paper. Cardstock paper and fiberglass resin. And to have my family like, I knew because I was it was the I was I was out I was I graduated already, so I had time on my hands to sit there and make it. And watching my family watch me in hindsight was one of the most interesting things ever. Because like, what the fuck are you making? Like, what is this? And like like me like constantly cutting out and folding these big ass pieces of paper that were nothing but dotted lines. So after I had like taken these like paper 3D models that I had never used before ever in my life, and just printed them off and used up so much paper and painted and the finished product to this day, everyone else loves it. I still think that I could redo it a lot better. I think that's part of the challenge for myself. Like, I always like the things that I learned from the failures of the cosplay that I work on so that I can incorporate those new skills moving forward. And so I think the now I will say, like, I put that cosplay on and it started immediately falling apart as I tried to walk down the street down the street. But there was a moment where there was a this man, he had this like really small child. Like, I mean, this is a child who probably didn't even know what the fuck a Digimon was, and was like, hey, my child wants to take a picture with you. And I stopped and took a picture with this little this little kid um in the streets of Atlanta. And then after I was like, you know what, this cosplay isn't gonna make it to the make it to the convention, so I took it back off and put it back into the car, but I still at least had that one singular moment, which was amazing. And so the second, the second one I think Rob would appreciate, uh the doctor would appreciate it a lot because I was in grad school and I had to do a presentation, and it was a presentation that just so happened to fall on my birthday, and it was during Matt Smith's tenure as the doctor, and it was it was the second outfit he had with a longer um after Clara became his companion, and that was like then he had like the longer, um, the longer like coat and you know the the different attire. Um and I bought that coat and I had it. Like I had that, I wore that cosplay. I even took my sonic screwdropper with me to class for that presentation. And and I know the doctor can remember, like you, you can remember how quickly Matt Smith spoke as the doctor when you could watch his mind moving, you could watch everything just kind of spewing out. And when I tell you in that moment when I had to do my presentation, that is exactly how I acted, it was the satisfying thing. I went to class and bullcomp, like whipped out my sonic screwdriver and everything, was pointing at the board with it, it was amazing. And if the fact that it was my birthday made me get even less I'm like, it's my birthday, I want to A in that class and an A on that presentation. But the point is like being able to put myself into conflict so deeply to the point where I'm in grad school, I'm a whole-ass adult. I can and like I will wear it to class and do whatever I want. Like, I like being able to do that was so empowering, and that confidence that we were talking about earlier that comes from it was the most explicit in that moment. It was like I was I was the doctor in that moment, and no one was gonna tell me otherwise, and I was gonna prove it to you in the way that I spoke and how I presented the information and the A that I was gonna get on that presentation.

SPEAKER_01 54:05

I wanted to uh piggyback off of what Miss Skittles was saying about cosplays that make you like cry that end up really good. Um, my first cosplay that actually got me into this cosplay world, as in like promoting my stuff on Instagram and Facebook, because I didn't want to. I just wanted to cosplay go to cons and go home, you know, wash off, eat my food, go to work the next day, and be I didn't appear to eat the food. Like I just wanted to disappear for the weekend of the con and then come back to reality. I didn't really want people to know me in a weird way. It was like putting on my Clark Kent, like, all right, cool, I'm out. Okay, I go back to work. My nieces were like, no, you're gonna promote your stuff. And they're like 18 now and like 16, so it was really because of them. So it was um last year, OdaCon. I dressed up as Persephone from Laura Olympus, which started all this body paint craziness, to be truly honest. I it was all a mistake, it was all a wonderful mistake. Um, I left my bra at home. I left my uh my strapless bra home, so I had to finesse a bra and put in the straps. I painted the damn wrong leg. So it wasn't until I was wearing all white too. So I'm like, I'm in pink paint. How am I gonna get this on without getting on my clothes? I had to do it by myself, which I always do anyway. I put on the dress, I'm like, oh my god, the wrong leg is painted. What the fuck am I gonna do? And then like I I had a white dress on and I can't get any of the paint on the dress. So I had to call the hotel concierge to help me put me in a corset. I I had a drive to the con. So like I was um maybe about 10 or 15 minutes away from the con. So it was hilarious. I had a drive like this, and people looking at me, and I'm looking at them, and I'm like, oh my God. And I'm like, so it was all a big mess. I wanted to go home. I'm like, eh, I'm not going to no Sunday con. I'm about to go home and watch this off and call it a day. And I was only at the con I was only at the con for maybe an hour and a half, and I'm thinking, look, I'm blown, I'm hot, I got the wrong brawn, the wrong leg is out. I had a pinned leg so that people can see the right leg. And I'm like, forget this crap. So I walk in, Persephone, oh my God, you know Laura. Oh my god, oh my god, there was a flood of people. I'm like, what's the way? I'm like this cosplay that I literally was about to like wash off and go home. Like the what I had gotten so shunned, which I love to this date. That was, you know, I made the wig, I made the crown, I made the fan, I made the, you know, the corset, and I got like some love, but I didn't care. The one that I screwed up the most got the most love. And it was just so weird and and it's a blessing at the same time. So I almost was gonna say, screw it and just go home. And then I'm having all these pictures taken, all these people, you know, black people like, oh my God, I didn't know that we can do this. And it just kind of blossomed into this Sion A cosplay. And it's only been a year. Like I would say, next week is a year since I created the college. And it's just been a blessing. And I've met so many people. I met, you know, this wonderful panel who, you know, I can obviously call, you know, really wonderful good friends in the, you know, cosplay community and in just the neurom community that I would never have thought I would have met, because I am a recluse.

unknown 57:40

I don't want to allow.

SPEAKER_01 57:42

So um, you know, I'm just really grateful for everything and the weird journey that life takes you that you don't even think about it. So it's it's pretty amazing.

SPEAKER_04 57:53

Yeah. Okay. So what Sayone doesn't know is that when I I ran, she randomly showed up on my Facebook feed doing her a body paint like tutorial video. And I was like, oh my God, who is this? And so she was doing a lot, and I watched to the end of the video, and it was one of the most phenomenal things I'd ever seen. And I found her Instagram page, and I was just I followed her, and then I found like I inevitably like found her on Facebook, and I was like, oh my god. I was like, oh shit. I was like, I'm gonna send her for the festival. And then when she accepted it, I was like, oh my god. Oh my god, so I was so excited, like I was so honored. I'm like, this amazing cosplayer is accepted.

SPEAKER_06 58:39

And then she showed in um my group uh Urban Anime Lounge, and then she was all like, Oh my god, that means a lot coming from you. I'm like, from me?

SPEAKER_08 58:51

Oh my life. I'm like, what you talking about with me?

SPEAKER_01 59:00

Look at you, oh my god, like I'm gonna get you, but you like I'm tripping because you know, I don't know if Tiffany, well, Miss Skittles or or the Black McCoy knows that I was like stalking this. Like I when it came to um the 29 days of uh black cosplay, Gwen, I promoted the hell out of you. Like do you see this idea? Do you see the talent? And then I saw Mysticals, I almost fell on the floor. I was like, oh my god, did you see the storm and sailor moon? What is this? I was like, did you see this? And I'm like, oh my god, and then they spoke to me. I was like, am I is this real life? Oh my god, and then like I'd like to say that I was there, like, you know, oh my gosh, I'm like, y'all tripping, because I was definitely stalking y'all. Stalking y'all hard. I thought I was like, oh, what is little old me? Like, they're not gonna say nothing to me, and then they talk to me.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:11

I'm like, oh my gosh, like that's like the big bad big thing about who I am.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:19

Like so, but you know, that's the beautiful thing about black cosplay. We're all just normal, regular people doing amazing things. And just look at we're so humble, because I don't what I I just see myself just doing, you know, me. And it's just very, I think what I'm doing is very normal and average. But obviously, what I think is not average to someone else. I just think I'm just doing something average, and I'm looking at Miss Skittles and Gwen. I'm like, I want to be on that level. I'm not there, you know? So it's we're always looking at other people and you know, trying to compare to their artistry, but don't know that they're doing the same about you as well. And it's just very interesting, it puts things in perspective that we're all amazing people in our own craft, and we don't even know it. So it's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:15

Um Jose, shampoo bracelets. Did you have any questions for our cosplayers?

SPEAKER_06 1:01:20

Hey, y'all might be quiet today. Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:25

You just don't want to get in the way of this breath of information, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:33

And um also drinking. So um, but I will ask this question though. What was one of the biggest hurdles that y'all came across when y'all first started? Like, I know for you you said it uh for Miss Skiddles, you said at first it was just your anxiety and trying to get over it. But in terms of like just preparation of costumes, what was one of the biggest things y'all had an issue with?

SPEAKER_06 1:01:55

I didn't know how to do anything. I um I I reached out, I actually reached out to Cutie Pie Sensei, um, and she's the one who helped me get started, like where to get fabric and you know, things like that. So um I just bought fabric, I started watching YouTube videos, I had this little um this little infomercial sewing machine thing. And I just started piecing it together. I mean it was storm, so I did storm specifically. One, I picked a bodysuit because it was the least fabric, two, two, two, it I I personally um with the anxiety thing, I wanted to push myself way out of my comfort zone. So I was out there, size out, like, you know, like completely out of my element. And um, so that was probably the biggest thing. Like, I if I'm gonna do this, I have to push myself all the way out there. And once I feel felt like, you know, the feedback that I got from it, I was like, whoa, I can do this. Like I could, if I can do storm, I can do anybody. So yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:25

For me, because when I started, I was I was still, I had I didn't have a job, I was in high school. It was materials and just understanding. Like, I back then I was like, oh, well, cosplayers, if it's not a prop, cosplayers have to buy everything. Like cosplay in my mind was extremely expensive back then because you know I was I was a high school, I didn't have a job, my mom paid for everything, and my you know, my grandma paid for everything, my dad paid for stuff. It was like getting the it that was the hardest part for me, getting what I needed to get what I wanted. And I think the um like like I said, um when I did Gotha, that was easier because you know, it was it wasn't anything to get newspaper and paper mache. I think the m the hardest thing, make paper mache, the hardest, and I think even when it came to like the white kind of like sh like item or cloth that he got to had wrapped around him, the most I had to do was like get my mom to buy the spray paint that I needed, because back in Georgia, I don't know if it was everywhere, but like there were age restrictions on like certain items you can get at Home Depot. So like I even with the little money I did have, I couldn't go and get those things. Like I had to have somewhere there with me to get them for me. Um, and even when it came to the saucerity cosplay I did, the barriers there were not even just money for the Akotsky jacket, but also um just kind of I'll say parental restrictions because my mom was like, okay, don't wear this unless it's for you know the convention or whatever. I absolutely wore it outside the convention otherwise. But just being able to, you know, make certain things. Um I also did like uh Surf Crocodile from One Piece cosplay back then as well. And my grandmother, she not only with a crocodile desk, but with the the cloak for the third Kazakage puppet, like she helped me because my grandmother could sew like crazy. My grandmother could sew down. Uh like she that that woman had every sewing machine under embroidering, um, knitting machine, like she had so many, it was ridiculous. Like when she died, we had to like figure out what to do with all of them. Um, but she she helped me make those things. Um, and even when it came down to just you know little small, like in hindsight, I only did so much for my first cosplays because I either didn't have to buy a whole lot or like the things that were bought were bought for me, and the only thing I had to do was kind of like make the gourd for God, or make the the clock the the hook for. crocodile or make the um the head at the that bare minimum I took like a foam head and I colored it brown and colored the eyes so it looked like a third kaza cake puppet but like in my mind I didn't do a whole lot it was it was my family being supportive of me that was that made all of that possible because like again I mean you know I wasn't I didn't have any kids and I didn't you know I wasn't selling drugs so a lot of that in their eyes I think and that was a reason for them to support me but it was a huge barrier for me because I couldn't do the things that I wanted to on my own. And as I got older and as I got more access to you know my own funds and you know those certain liberties and stuff then cosplay really opened itself up to me a lot more and because I and I and I think the thing that Sionet and um Skills had like they started a little bit later like I I mostly like later later but like to the point in the era where social media was like truly popping poppin' because like I absolutely would have asked somebody like how do I do X, Y, and Z like I but like I was just kind of dared left to my own biceps because I wasn't I think I only had two other friends who were cosplayers that I went to high school with and I didn't always have access to them to you know get me information like I needed to um and ultimately it was a lot of I had to figure out I had to be really creative about things. And I think that although I think it was a barrier it also was an obstacle that over that I got a chance to overcome and learn more from because having to be more creative with the very limited things that I had led me to be more creative with the materials that I have now or being able to work better work do more with with less do more with less and do more with the more that I actually ended up having my biggest hurdle was um my body for sure like starting off I was 23 and I was a lot heavier than I am now.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:03

So you know uh relationship weight is a bitch so I gained a lot of weight in the relationship that I was in and um that also added into years of body dysmorphia that I already had when I was smaller. So that just made it harder for me to put myself out there. Like you know we can always finesse angles but honey at cons they're gonna take your picture whether you like it or not. So I was like right and I was like a lot of people and I was in a very strange place because in my mind everybody can be plus size and look beautiful except me. So I see these beautiful plus size people and they're owning it I just didn't feel like I looked good and that wasn't something I had to get over because I'm I'm seeing people who are size 22 size 24 and they look gorgeous. And I was a size 16 and I thought I looked hideous and I I just I couldn't get over that you know and then I was like screw it I see people at this con with different size shapes proportions I'm just gonna do it. So I was really putting myself out there knowing that I was going to have people take my picture which was a lot of like gave me a lot of anxiety and because I know I was going to expose myself I'm gonna have my thighs out my my chest out you know something that I usually didn't do. I'm more I dress more conservative uh to be truly honest like right now this is like showing a lot of honey I usually don't just like you know it's more of a I'm I dress more fitted but like showing a lot of cleavage a lot of behind a lot of thighs even when where I wear shorts I feel naked. You know I can't feel right I'm like it could be biker shorts it's not even no damn booty shorts. I'm like look old it's me out here but um I've I've grown to really appreciate my body and I've grown to uh appreciate being plus size in cosplay because so many women and men they don't want to do it because they're plus size. They see a character from One Piece or see a character from Street Fighter who are all abed up they're like I can't do that. I have to use some be somebody my size I'm like no you make them your way that's your version your aesthetic if a character is fair skin in an anime make them black give them an afro may have make them have curly hair you know they don't have to do anything but just make them your own so that was a hurdle that I overcame just my my body type and also how people would perceive me but then again I had to remember it's not about anybody else it's for me.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:58

So that pushed me okay uh Kaze did you have a question?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:04

Yeah uh so I kind of a two-part question um and it was kind of similar to uh Sham flu uh what uh what what are some of the um obstacles uh concerning actually attending the con uh you know in your outfit and and in your experience with it you know how did how'd you guys come to uh you know solve and mitigate those issues and then uh and then also uh what are some things uh you wish that uh non-cos players knew as far as interacting with you guys great questions I would say bringing glue sticks glue gun bringing um and they're laughing because they know exactly what I'm talking about our cosplays look like fire when they're home when they go to cons they want to start breaking and shit and that is so annoying and it's so disheartening I had to learn that from my first con. I didn't bring anybody paint I I cosplayed as poison ivy and um I didn't I left all my pain at home I thought I was gonna be good I didn't have to do no touch ups I didn't have to bring any glue stick or glue gun for like my leaves and everything was falling off. So I just had to start um you know making sure when I go to cons I have like a little package of things to bring just in case things want to fall and it's it's actually interesting I think Otacon they even have like little cosplay help um they have like a lot of colours have them now the lot of them it's so adorable and brilliant you know they'll have like the little hot glue gun they're like oh I'll help you oh I have a pen for you if your tail falls off or most have most have a repair station the best I've ever seen was at anime expo like when I say these people these people had electronic stuff to help fix your cosplay so I was like oh but yeah um so just kind of you know everybody thinks about making the cosplay and putting the cosplay on but never think about how functional how functional it is at the con. How are you gonna pee?

SPEAKER_04 1:13:40

How are you gonna eat like those are those are important when I tell you so last year at BlurCon when I this time last year at BlurCon when I had my dark magician cosplay on I did not eat until maybe like two o'clock because I was walking around on the con floor in this dark magician cosplay and every every like average two to three minutes I was getting stopped for a picture. And that time goes by so quickly that by the time you realize how angry you are you know I literally almost threw that shit out of the window. Like I would I go back up to the hotel room take it off and come back downstairs. I didn't I just took off the armor part like I didn't take off anything else. I still had the bodysuit on and everything I just came back downstairs and sat down. But to answer the latter half of the question is like one thing that I think non-cosplayers should know is that when we're sitting down leave us alone we need that time when you're walking around all day having to stop all day take a picture pose it looks like it's low it's low impact but if you do it for an extremely long period of time it starts to take its toll especially when you haven't gotten a chance to sit down and eat or drink water and you've been on your feet all day like this it's different than when you're on your feet all day working but when you're on your feet all day literally just stopping and take pictures like you're not working. You're not getting paid to do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:15

But it's something that you enjoy and that you love and you love that other people are getting enjoyment from but you also still need to take that time so like when I was sitting down I was just like okay I've been walking around all day I've you know done my dark magic attacks I've been in defense mode I've been in attack mode I I just need to be in I need I need to be face down that's it and I was trying to relax and not even a whole five minutes had I been sitting down can I get your picture oh my god internally I was like get the fuck away from me but I was like I I will say that picture where you were sitting down relaxing or not relaxing because you were upset at that point the menacing look in your eyes and how hunched over you were while sitting on the floor was probably one of the best dark magician pictures I've ever seen like you your your face was tense you were punched over your swan was in your hand and you just had this glare in your eyes I was like shit all that menace.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:22

It's all the menace really came through the eyes yeah cosplay is like working like a nine to five shift like you can take your weekend off you know to go to these cons and it's different if you're not cosplaying. If you're going to cons and you're just going as a civilian so to speak great way to say it as civilian civilian you're just here to just take pictures and go to the dealer's room or you know go to the arcade and things like that and enjoy life it's it's cool but like when you're cosplaying you have you want to do all of that but you're in cosplay so it's very hard your feet hurting people it's hot as hell because usually the cosplays are hot you know you're looking for AC you find you huddle to the AC you sit on your fair spot you have to get up and you know it's a lot of work it's like working a nine to five shift so after the convention is done you go to work you're like damn I felt like I already just worked for free to be a handler for your cosplay friends if you don't know what a cosplay handler is a cosplay handler is just a it is just a civilian who walks around carries all you carry all the cosplay or shit if you go into the dealer's room they want to buy something you you have control of all their things you stay by the 247 that is your person that is your buddy cosplay handlers are the best people in the world i like I I don't think they know like sometimes I feel like they be like God damn like why I'm why I'm pulling like how did I and a lot of times they don't know that they end up being the cosplay handler but you end up being a cosplay handler please know you are greatly appreciated like grossly you have no idea um but um as far as like things not to do um this this is very very important to me because um I I'm sure you guys have seen it in social media before but cosplay is not consent.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:34

So people who people who are dressed as their characters they're busty they're half naked a lot of y'all know anime characters be out there you know like closed and stuff but just because they are dressed like that does not give anybody the right to take their picture without asking or touch them in any way that is inappropriate or just touch them without asking period like it just not you know we are here for display do not touch so like that that's a huge thing for me um because well so I have never been touched but I have seen I have visually seen it happen like like uh a guy will be like oh you know oh my god you know they get so excited they get so excited oh my god it's so and so can I take a picture with you the class player's like no not at this time da da da and they they take a picture anyway or they're you know back there you know behind them trying to take a picture or they f just they just touch them just well can I hug you I've had many many many people come up to me can I hug you I don't know why they want to hug I don't know why I I'm really weird I don't even I don't like you know physically touching a whole lot of my friends uh before coronavirus but um a lot of people will come up to you in a con and be like can I get a hug and I guess it makes them feel you know some sort of way as their favorite character whatever they're hugging their character um and that's fine but if a cosplayer says no that it's no like don't be extra about it don't you know I I feel like sometimes people want to hug for extra feel especially from a female cosplayer but I mean no means no.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:23

Yeah just no matter what right don't do it don't do it so simple um oh well no I always had to fight somebody at what was it it was it was um it happen it's uh it's an anime convention that happens in the fall at the um hotel at the Marriott that's near the zoo I can't remember the name of the the anime convention right now anime USA anime USA I was impressed about the anime USA because I I you know I was just there as a civilian because I only went for like a couple days and it was a friend's it was a friend of mine's first con and I just had on like my Batman shirt and like some yellow pants because it matched and it was and um I saw this um girl who was dressed up in this kind of like this kind of like Batman or you know Batwoman or Batgirl outfit and um she and I became friends like we took a picture together because she was like oh my God and so you know we took a selfie and stuff and so we were kind of hanging out you know we passed the bar like we crossed each other's paths a lot throughout the um throughout the convention and it was it had to have been maybe like three or four o'clock in the afternoon on maybe like that batter day and I come across her again and she she was sitting down but she was like sitting really really reserved and I like stopped and asked her like yo hey so-and-so like what's up are you okay and she was telling me that somebody had like randomly grabbed her and she knew who it was because like you know she just kind of went and sat down and so I walked with her for a minute and just you know make sure that she she was okay you know she felt safe and you know get her back into like the cons kind of kind of get her back into the con spirit again you know it's like going to a festival like you don't want to sit there and you know be like you know anxious all day and so um we were walking around I think it may have been like an hour you know she was getting back into the group and you know she's enjoying herself again and the person strolled up again and just and had the audacity to walk up to her and like speak and like say hello like and she immediately grabbed like my hand and like when I put my hand forward to like push him back he got really like defensive and I'm like and after she had told me um um I like like I almost really almost happened there on the floor but it didn't I think probably because one of them six foot three so that alleviates a lot of people and he was like he was maybe like five eight at the most with shoes on. So I was able to defuse it and tell him like back up because he he I think he really really tried to like make it into a thing because he didn't understand what was going on but I told him he just needed to back the fuck up so that was a like that like that was a prime moment for me. Like I like even before then like I understood that cosplay wasn't consent but like the that was my first like real encounter with having to like uh like explicitly assert like an allyship in that way or like not even just simply allyship but being like being like being a co-conspirator and making sure that people understood what those boundaries meant what those boundaries looked like when it came to cosplayers and their bodies and making sure they didn't just kind of assert some sort of entitlement because it was their character or their favorite character or some sort of like you know relationship or fetish or what have you about that character.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:52

So I mean this is probably a whole topic for another time definitely I would love to dive deeper into cosplays not consent because that's something that you know you know between the Me Too movement and you know different uh cases that are going on right now people have uh people have always had a certain thought process that because you are either famous or cosplay or entertainer because your job is quote unquote to serve me and my entertainment that when I see you in person I can do whatever I would like I can demand pictures my kids can sit on your lap um I'm allowed to touch take pictures talk to you whatever and that's just not how it works. Just like you have the right to mind your own goddamn business I would like to do the same over there away from you.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:38

But anyway don't want to go too far into that top huh like the CD world of cosplay and the neats that they get awkward.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:50

But uh this is a great conversation uh I think we all I I know I did learned a lot more about um not just mental health but specifically cosplay mental health and the different hurdles and obstacles you guys have had to go through and um uh from the beginning up until now and hopefully um I know 2020 has been the has been a cosplayer's probably most detrimental year but as Miss Seyone was saying earlier uh you guys have found a way to kind of still practice your craft um even though you know you can't go to the places where you would normally go and show it off. So um props to all three of you to continuing and uh I'm sure our listeners and viewers on YouTube would love definitely love to see you guys in person uh with consent um at the next cosplay that actually opens up hopefully in 2020 probably in 2024 anyway um just to wrap up but just to wrap up uh uh thank you guys for listening uh you can follow uh umbral starcade on all social media platforms except for uh tick tock and what's that other one um snapchat snapchat snapchat that's that one yeah that thing anyway um would you like to share your uh handles the the the the the the the the Snapchat the Snapchat's on the move says Fuji Torta anyway uh Skittles uh Ms.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:30

Skittles underscore cosplay on Facebook and IG and TikTok sayone saune cosplay on Facebook saune underscore cosplay on IG sauna cosplay on TikTok but I don't use it so don't even go there the black mc the black mccoy on Facebook on Instagram and on TikTok I haven't been putting anything on there as of late but you know my pretty face is all over my Instagram so if you want to go there go for it.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:05

I'm gonna say your Fuji tour now this is a perfect opportunity to do one.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:08

But anywho uh thank you for a photo shoot or like a con.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:14

Mostly a photo shoot but okay uh but thank you all for listening uh hopefully you'll be back with us next week um uh until then say another